I often think that if detecting odors was an Olympic event, I would win the gold. I have been able to sniff out all sorts of rank smells, from a rotting food under a bed to stinky socks mindlessly returned to the dresser. After 18 years of dedicated service through motherhood, my sniffer is now highly attuned to every delicate imbalance in the bouquet of the universe.
In the last couple of years there has been a shift in the odor of things. Pubescent boys across the country have been embracing a new substance that will forever change the fragrance of this planet.
It’s called AXE. It comes in many forms; body spray, underarm deodorant, shampoo and body soap. Short of burning the nose hairs right out of my schnozzle, nothing has managed to mask “man smell” better than this ground breaking substance. Not only will it cloak the tang of the one adorning it, but it will perfume a 20 foot radius around the individual for all to enjoy. Walk on any high school football stadium and take a whiff. Because as all things with teenage boys, nothing is in moderation, and I promise you will not be prepared for the musky scented garland that will accost your olfactory.
It is blessed relief.
Never was this more apparent than in my recent family vacation that involved boating and swimming in 90+ degree weather. I was sitting in the back seat of the boat transporting my six men and a dog knowing, full well, that I was the only individual in the afore mentioned boat that had sufficiently showered in the last 24 hours. Some individuals had gone into the lake water adding the ingredient of fishiness to mix of “nature”, wet dog and sweat. As the boat climbed up to speeds past 30mph, I was second guessing my wisdom of my downwind seat selection. It was then I beheld the power of the AXE. The lake breeze flowed through my hair as we skimmed across the glass like surface but only the pleasant aroma of “Essence – 24 hour invisible solid” wafted to the backseat. As I beheld this minor miracle I embraced a sense why is herpes contagious (scent) of gratitude and asked myself, “What is that fresh manly scent?”. Only to remind myself, “Ah yes………it’s Axe.”
Thank you, Unilever. I am forever indebted to your chemical prowess.